last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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