Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
