Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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