PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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