Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
