we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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