I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize