hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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