I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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