i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
