he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
