I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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