tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
