Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just had sex on a roof
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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