I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
