Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
