She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
