I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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