I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
