i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
