I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
