We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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