Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
