Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
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i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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