D3 body, D1 cock
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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