My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
