That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I think I died a long time ago.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
