I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
