you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
