You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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