i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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