My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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