I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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