She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Did you just see the Batmobile???
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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