This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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