good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
