dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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