hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
