My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
