i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
