Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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