oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
