my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
