If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
