To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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