I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Randomize
