You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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