It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
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With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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