You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
