I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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