when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I cut my penus on the lid.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
