So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
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