8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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