I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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