Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am available for nakedness
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
