Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
