just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
