omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
