Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
