You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Found your dick twin last night
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
