8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
