Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
