Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
