Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize