he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
we should paint friendship bongs
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
