i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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