You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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