Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
