oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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