pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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