don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
